Emotional intelligence, also called EI or EQ, is a set of skills that includes empathy, social competence, and the ability to recognize and manage one’s own emotions. The psychologists Peter Salovey and John Mayer coined the term in 1990, which became popular in 1995 when Daniel Goleman published his best-selling book, Emotional Intelligence: Why it Can Matter More Than IQ.
Why is emotional intelligence important? Emotional intelligence matters because according to studies that looked at emotional intelligence at work, people with high EQ are more successful than those with lower EQ scores. Employees with high EQ are more likely to get promotions and earn a higher income. Managers with high EQ report greater job satisfaction and lower turnover.
Today, EQ is so highly valued that organizations across the U.S. (and other countries) hire EQ consultants to assess the workplace and provide emotional intelligence training if needed. People can increase their EQ score, unlike their IQ score.
Emotional intelligence at work
Every company requires its employees and leaders to work well together, whether its employees work independently or mainly function as a team. A person’s EQ level determines not just how well they get along with others, but also how productive they are at work. Emotional intelligence consists of five basic skills: self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social competence.
Self-awareness
People with high self-awareness recognize their own emotions, know their own strengths and weaknesses, can accurately assess themselves, and have self-confidence. This trait is useful at work because self-aware employees handle constructive criticism better than those with lower levels of self-awareness. They’re also more likely to recognize if they are making assumptions, which helps them manage stress and solve problems.
For example, let’s say that Sally has a deadline coming up soon. She’s working on the project with George, whom she doesn’t like. Two days before the deadline, George doesn’t show up to work, and Sally needs his part of the project to finish hers. She feels frustrated that he didn’t finish his part earlier and that he didn’t even come into work that day.
Sally’s level of self-awareness determines how she handles the situation. She could make assumptions: George is lazy, he’s trying to screw her over on purpose, and he probably took the day off to go golfing. If she’s self-aware, she’ll recognize that she doesn’t like him and that maybe she’s not being fair to him. She will consider other possibilities: maybe George got sick, or maybe he has problems at home. By seeing the problem more objectively, Sally’s stress levels drop, and she can look for a fair solution.
Self-regulation
Tied closely with self-awareness is self-regulation. People who score high on this trait are open to change, which matters when working in teams; employees need to accept or at least consider others’ ideas. Self-regulation also means controlling one’s emotional reactions, especially negative ones like anger, boredom, or jealousy.
These employees are also less likely to get into unnecessary arguments. For example, let’s say that Josh knows how sensitive Bob is about his age. At lunch, Josh points out that Bob is getting more gray hairs. Instead of reacting with anger, Bob changes the subject and says, “How was that concert you went to last night, Josh?” Bob has enough self-awareness to know what his buttons are and whether someone is pushing them. By controlling his reactions, he remains civil with other employees.
This trait of self-regulation is so important that not having it can cost people their jobs. In some cases, a temperamental employee may cause the company to lose customers or clients. However, there are many tips and tricks for working with emotional intelligence. Some people control their reactions by silently counting to 10 before responding. In other cases, it’s best to leave the room or walk away from an emotionally charged situation.
Motivation and empathy
Those with a high EQ score have motivation, which makes them more productive at work. The desire to achieve comes from within, and it goes beyond wanting a paycheck or a better position at the company. Motivated workers are more likely to have an optimistic outlook, stay loyal to the company, and take initiative. High EQ leaders know how to inspire their team and keep everyone on track.
Empathy is another aspect of emotional intelligence. Sometimes confused with sympathy, empathy differs in the sense that it isn’t just feeling sorry for someone. It’s understanding their feelings and needs as if you were in their position. At the office, it simply means treating others with kindness and respect.
For a workplace to have good morale, managers, leaders, and employees must show each other empathy. Employees feel more comfortable knowing they can make mistakes without being humiliated. People who have empathy also respond better to others’ concerns, which makes for more positive employee-client relationships.
Social competence
Social competence includes the ability to manage relationships, build and lead teams, persuade others, interact with different personalities, and handle conflict. In other words, these abilities are people skills, which matter for practically any industry. Anything related to customer service obviously requires employees to have strong people skills. Leaders need to effectively manage their teams. Researchers may work independently, but they need to persuade organizations that their research is worth funding.
Knowing how to handle conflict is an essential skill. The way employees handle conflict affects their job performance, helping or hindering their chance of getting a promotion. The ability to properly handle difficult clients makes them more eligible for leadership positions. How they handle conflict with other employees can affect their reputation and even the quality of their work.
For example, let’s say that a graphic designer named Sue just found out that her colleague, Darlene, stole one of her project ideas and took credit for it. Their boss now wants them to work together on the project. Sue feels resentful. If she has no control of her feelings, she could do any number of things: pretend to help Darlene but deliberately “forget” to do certain things; help Darlene but throw underhanded insults at her; or completely blow up at Darlene. Not one of these responses is helpful.
Without strong conflict resolution skills, Sue might look like she’s not a team player, and she won’t get credit for her idea. The company also suffers if Sue and Darlene can’t cooperate and end up submitting a subpar project. However, if Sue has high emotional intelligence, she’ll address the problem in a way that’s assertive, not passive-aggressive or aggressive. Not only does this approach earn her respect from her peers, it also improves the quality of her work.
What emotional intelligence is not
One of the easier ways to answer the question “what is emotional intelligence?” is to explain what it is not. Emotionally intelligent people do not do the following things:
- Hold grudges.
- Engage in negative self-talk.
- Focus on the problem instead of the solution.
- Hang around negative people.
- Blame other people for their feelings.
- Blame other people for their own mistakes.
- Criticize others when they make mistakes.
- Refuse to accept critical feedback.
- Never let go of their own mistakes.
- Not assert themselves. Examples include not setting boundaries; not being able to say no; and acting aggressively, passively, or passive-aggressively towards others.
If you recognize one or more of these traits in yourself, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you have low EQ. Emotional intelligence test scores are on a continuum. Your score could be high, low, or somewhere in the middle. Now let’s take a look at what high EQ people do.
- Forgive but not forget.
- Engage in positive self-talk, especially if they catch themselves thinking negatively.
- Focus on the solution, not the problem.
- Hang around positive people.
- Take responsiblity for how they feel.
- Accept responsibility for their own mistakes.
- Accept constructive criticism and try to learn from it.
- Let go of their mistakes, but remember them.
- Use an assertive communication style.
All aspects of EQ interact. The better a person is at managing emotions, the more easily he or she can resolve conflict in the workplace. How much empathy a leader has affects how happy and productive his team is.
Companies need to recognize the importance of emotional intelligence. The success of a company largely depends on how well managers use emotional intelligence at work. Using EQ skills, they can inspire employees, increase morale, and properly handle conflict. To have more high EQ employees in the workplace, consider screening job applicants for emotional intelligence or having everyone take an EQ training course.
