Seven ways to ensure your freelancers hate you

Truth be told, startups and freelancers have a lot in common. By all rights you should have a great working relationship together, given your shared “entrepreneurial spirit” and that common bond of going mile-a-minute and juggling multiple balls simultaneously.

However, it’s exactly this crazy environment that can often drive a great client-freelancer relationship right down the drain. If your goal is to get online freelancers to pull their hair out (and mumble your name under their breath), here are some simple tips for success.

1. Post a vague project description

Freelancers need specifics to be successful. If your online job post is wishy-washy on everything from the scope of work to delivery dates and final deliverables, you’re well on your way to some name calling. “Loser” is a term you may hear a lot.

2. Lowball the price

A website for $100 bucks? A blog article for $5? A mobile app for $50. Go for it! Some sucker will eventually take the bait and run with it. But once reality sinks in, your freelancer will realize that it’s easier to make money selling vacuum cleaners door-to-door. And the door will get slammed shut.

3. Never give concrete examples

When discussing the project, speak in generalities at all times. Even if you know of a company that’s doing exactly what you want to do, there’s no need to pass that information on. It would only make their job easier, and that’s not your goal now is it?

4. Ignore your freelancers

Ignore their emails, phone calls, texts, pings, payment milestones, questions, you name it. Ignore your freelancers and, pretty soon, they’ll ignore you too! It becomes sort of a fun game … until they want payment for work to date. Oops.

5. Ask for “Oh, one more thing.”

Sure, freelancers are paid for their time, experience and knowledge. But just because you wouldn’t ask your attorney for “Oh, one more thing,” that’s no reason not to ask your web programmer or graphic designer to sweeten the pot.

6. Assume you got yourself a Jack-of-all-Trades

Web design? Web development? Web optimization? They’re all the same — Web stuff. Save a few bucks by expecting that your highly specialized professional does a little homework and goes the whole 9 yards for you.

7. Expect a freelancer to be your 24/7 Employee

If they value sleep, they can go work a “9 to 5” job, eh? Good thinking. Ditto for Saturday afternoon fire drills. If you really, really want to drive your freelancer mad, make a habit of disturbing their sleep patterns and home life.

If you follow these 7 simple steps, in no time at all you’ll be the bane of your freelancer’s existence and the talk of social media. If that’s your goal (along with terrible work from freelancers, and a crumbling of your business), job well done. But remember, it doesn’t have to be this way. Your choice. It can be, and should be, a great working relationship for both of you.

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