{"id":54700,"date":"2019-07-11T10:00:45","date_gmt":"2019-07-11T14:00:45","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.wework.com\/ideas\/?p=54700"},"modified":"2020-09-03T05:52:59","modified_gmt":"2020-09-03T09:52:59","slug":"what-to-say-when-youre-not-sure-what-to-say","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.wework.com\/ideas\/professional-development\/management-leadership\/what-to-say-when-youre-not-sure-what-to-say","title":{"rendered":"What to say when you’re not sure what to say"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

As the space between work and not-work becomes ever more blurred, questions about how to do this thing we plug away at for 30 or 40 or 70 hours a week become all the more expansive. In Work Flow<\/strong><\/a>, we delve into the novel dilemmas created by the new ways we work, as well as timeless questions about ethics, gender assumptions, and toxic work situations (and how to escape them). How we work is an important component of how we live\u2014and we\u2019re here to help you do better at both.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Something messing with your flow? Unload your work problems here, and you\u2019ll not only feel heard but you\u2019ll also get unbiased, real-world advice. (That\u2019s something your work sibling\/spouse just can\u2019t offer.) Tell us everything: ideasbywe@wework.com<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am newly pregnant and looking for a new job. When do I have to tell a potential new employer that I have an impending due date? Is it required? Can they ask me?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Congratulations! This is one of those situations where time will tell, but given the newness of this event and your job search, I wouldn\u2019t recommend sharing just yet, particularly when you\u2019re doing initial meet and greets with various potential employers. The Pregnancy Discrimination Act of 1978<\/a> makes it illegal to refuse to hire someone or to fire them on the basis of pregnancy, but (incorrect) prejudices and judgments about working moms are unfortunately all too real. If and when you do choose to disclose, there are ways to dispel that sort of reaction. According to a 2013 study<\/a>, which showed that although pregnant job applicants received more \u201cinterpersonal hostility\u201d than nonpregnant job applicants, pregnant job applicants who addressed the stereotypes, especially with regard to their personal levels of commitment and flexibility, were \u201cnearly three times less likely to experience interpersonal discrimination than pregnant job applicants who say nothing to combat pregnancy stereotypes.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The benefit to revealing, however, is that you can control the situation better, which is why, if you are obviously pregnant or have gone through a series of interviews with a company that you\u2019re seriously considering, it\u2019s probably time to share. In the first case, they likely know anyway; in the second, you\u2019re going to have a baby, and it\u2019s crucial to understand what sort of company you might be working for\u2014their maternity policies, whether they\u2019re family- and women-friendly, how your manager views working moms, and so forth. (You\u2019ll feel this out through the interview process, which ideally will make the decision to tell or not\u2014or take the job or not\u2014a no-brainer.) I should note, also, that if you\u2019re in a situation in which a company makes you an offer and they take it back after learning you\u2019re pregnant, you may have a case for discrimination<\/a>. But it\u2019s a lot harder to make this case if you haven\u2019t told them you\u2019re pregnant in the first place. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

As with much in life, at least in general terms, the most efficient way forward is to be direct about what you need, and to take the information you receive and make a decision with that in mind. But, of course, specifics are everything, and what you need, exactly, is up to you to decide. If it feels too risky to tell, you can continue to keep your pregnancy under wraps\u2014there\u2019s no legal obligation for you to tell, and it\u2019s not legal for a potential employer to even ask questions about your state or whether you\u2019re starting a family soon (or to deny you a job on the basis of your answer). If they go there, they\u2019ve shown you who they are. Use that information to determine what\u2019s best for you and your family.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019ve been in my position for a few years, with no promotion. But the original job description I was hired for is so different at this point from my actual job\u2014my supervisors keep changing the goalposts, etc.\u2014that there\u2019s little overlap at this point. And frankly, I think I deserve more money, as the job I\u2019m currently doing is a lot more challenging than what I was hired for. What are some ways I can approach this? In the past, when trying to address getting a raise or a promotion, I\u2019ve been told I need to stick it out and be a team player. (It\u2019s a really small company and people do wear a lot of hats, but it\u2019s getting ridiculous, and I need some room for growth.)<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

If being a \u201cteam player\u201d means you never get to advocate for yourself, well, that\u2019s not a team you want to be on! The first thing I\u2019d do is put together a comprehensive document accounting for your various job descriptions over time (even if unofficial). Do you have the initial job description you were hired for? Compare it to what you\u2019re doing now, and make a list of all the additional duties or projects you\u2019ve taken on (if you have them in writing, say, as an email request from your manager, keep them on hand as a  reference) as well as crossing out anything that you\u2019re no longer doing (but which you can count as part of your skill set). Chronicle all the duties you\u2019ve performed successfully over time, so you can show your manager not only that you\u2019re a team player\u2014who has done this, this, this, and also this, morphing to fit the needs of the company whenever necessary\u2014but also so that you can put some sort of monetary value to the various roles. Clearly, you\u2019ve grown and evolved at this company; what is the title and salary that reflects that? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here\u2019s where a bit of outside research is also helpful: Can you find comparative salaries\/wages for what you\u2019ve done? Keep a list of that, too. Finally, you want to log the various goals of each position, and whether you\u2019ve accomplished them. In each role or duty, can you show clearly how you\u2019ve helped the company?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then you\u2019re ready to set up a meeting with your direct manager. Share all of this information, along with evidence of you being flexible and adaptable to the many changes, and how you\u2019ve picked up the slack when called to do so. Remind them how long you\u2019ve been with the company, and how you\u2019ve, indeed, truly stuck it out, and kept learning and growing. Don\u2019t be accusatory, no need to go there\u2014yet. This is simply you making the very best case for yourself that: 1. You are integral to this company; 2. You have<\/em> been a team player; 3. You are helping them make money\/do the necessary business and want to continue to do so! and 4. You, therefore, should get more money\/a promotion. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

On that, definitely think about what you want beforehand, whether it\u2019s title, money, a very clear description of what your job is (and to cut out the constant changing of roles), or all of the above. You\u2019ve probably already done this, but it might help to write it down, too. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you get a flat no or are told again that you\u2019re not a team player or you just have to \u201cstick it out,\u201d you should start looking for a place that will value the multitude of skills you\u2019ve learned at your current job and actually reward you for them. (Your skills and successes document will come in handy here.) Whether you actually move to a new company or simply leverage another job offer to make your situation better at your current gig, interviewing outside the company is often the best way to change the situation fast\u2014monetarily and otherwise. Plus, it reminds you of just what you\u2019re worth, what you might be able to do instead, and that you have the power to change what you don\u2019t like. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

My coworker is always late to the office, and always has an excuse, and I\u2019m sick of hearing it when I manage to get there on time regularly and<\/em> live farther away. Do you have any perfect snarky comments I can deliver to get her to shut up about her transit woes? <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

There are plenty of snarky comments you could go with, ranging from passive-aggressive to aggressive-aggressive. \u201cOh, did the horse and buggy\/wounded snail\/carrier pigeon\/sea turtle you typically arrive on not show up again?\u201d \u201cIt\u2019s so unlucky that you constantly have travel issues when no one else does! That must be so frustrating for you!\u201d \u201cWait, you work here?\u201d and so on. But the best course of action is probably not snarky at all\u2026 it\u2019s ignoring this person\u2019s lateness and focusing on your own promptness, neither of which, I assure you, has gone unnoticed by your managers. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

If your coworker is constantly complaining directly to you (and not vocalizing the excuse to the entire office in an oh-crap-the-meeting\u2019s-already-started move, which I\u2019m imagining is the case), you can also feel free to take the calm and direct shut-them-down approach: Simply offer up a dispassionate \u201cI\u2019m sorry to hear that,\u201d pop on your noise-canceling headphones, and get to work. Time\u2019s a-wasting.<\/p>\n\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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