{"id":3823,"date":"2019-07-15T10:00:13","date_gmt":"2019-07-15T14:00:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.wework.com\/ideas\/?p=3823"},"modified":"2020-09-03T05:53:00","modified_gmt":"2020-09-03T09:53:00","slug":"heres-why-that-meeting-failed-and-how-to-fix-it-for-next-time","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.wework.com\/ideas\/professional-development\/management-leadership\/heres-why-that-meeting-failed-and-how-to-fix-it-for-next-time","title":{"rendered":"Here\u2019s why that meeting failed\u2014and how to fix it for next time"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

We\u2019ve all been in bad meetings. But the hard truth is, a successful meeting isn\u2019t as simple as putting time on a calendar. Our series Meeting Heroes<\/a><\/strong> invites you to learn how to save the [work] day with your next gathering. You\u2019ll never have to hear the phrase, \u201cThis meeting should have been an email,\u201d again.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Priya Parker grew up attending the kind of gatherings many adults only wish they could experience. When she got her period for the first time, her mother threw a \u201cperiod party\u201d where her adult friends played music and gave Parker gifts that conveyed what each believed was powerful about being a woman. Later, when teenage Parker was struggling with identity and social pressure, her mother created a six-week course in her basement called Circle of Friends. A group of 10 girls from Parker\u2019s class met weekly to practice \u201cwhat it means to have a voice.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Those \u201cconscious comings together\u201d helped Parker understand that creating a meaningful gathering goes beyond the menu or party favors. \u201cSo much of our popular culture is, \u2018We\u2019re going to have a gathering? What should the menu be?\u2019\u201d says Parker, who shared her insights in her book, The Art of Gathering: How We Meet and Why It Matters<\/em><\/a>. \u201cI\u2019m not saying don\u2019t do food and drinks, but it shouldn\u2019t be the source of meaning.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As the founder of Thrive Labs<\/a>, an advisory firm that develops strategic plans and organizational culture for workplaces, Parker helps others learn how to create \u201ctransformative gatherings.\u201d She recently led a group of nearly 200 people at WeWork 609 Greenwich St<\/a> in New York in a 60-minute, immersive experience that demonstrated how our individual identities and group dynamics impact the gatherings we design and attend. Here, she gives advice on how to navigate four kinds of gatherings that often flop and explains how to turn them around. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The all-over-the-place gathering<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Planning an event? Get clear about its purpose. Many people skip this step, Parker says, because no one wants to make a decision or even realizes one needs to be made. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWe tend to conflate category with purpose,\u201d Parker says. \u201cWe say, \u2018I\u2019m going to have a conference,\u2019 and immediately start thinking of what\u2019s the best lanyard rather than asking, \u2018Why do we want to have a conference? Who is this for? Is this to talk about the most complicated ethical issues in our field, or is this to help people find work?\u2019 Those should be two very different designs.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Use purpose \u201cas a compass to direct the rest of your decisions,\u201d Parker advises, from the guest list to the agenda. <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n

The schmoozefest that leaves you feeling empty<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

To many people, networking is a necessary evil that induces fear and anxiety. This is more about the typical form these events take, Parker says, rather than their innate function. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThey tend to be very transactional; they tend to amplify the feeling of, Who is the most important person in here and let me go find them and not look at the person in front of me<\/em>. And they tend to not reward the most interesting thing about people,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Parker cites entrepreneur networking organization House of Genius<\/a> as one group that gets networking right: At their gatherings, attendees aren\u2019t allowed to share who they are or what they do for a living until the end. \u201cThey didn\u2019t want everybody to listen to the venture capitalist in the room and not the nurse practitioner, even if the nurse practitioner is the one that has the deep insight,\u201d Parker explains. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

As a host, mix things up rather than settling for assumed norms. And if you\u2019re a guest, \u201cGo to networking events where they\u2019re clear about the purpose,\u201d Parker says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The gathering in a meeting place that inspires dread<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Rather than defaulting to a familiar meeting location, consider how your choice of venue might influence the gathering, Parker suggests.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIf you want to have a board meeting to shift how they speak to each other, don\u2019t host it at the same mahogany-tabled room where the group always meets,\u201d she says. \u201cOne of the easiest ways to change the pattern in a group is to change the physical location.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Even a subtle change in physical location can help change a group dynamic\u2014it can be as simple as switching seating assignments. At one summit Parker attended, more than a dozen global leaders met for hours at a time in a process called sustained dialogue. If the leaders got \u201cstuck\u201d at certain moments, the moderator moved their name cards around during breaks so that people would have to change seats. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWe came back from the break and the conversation kind of shifted,\u201d Parker says.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The weekly meeting that feels pointless<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

\u201cMeetings die when they become containers that we try to fill stuff with,\u201d Parker warns. If you host a regular mandatory meeting or have enough power to ask a few questions, ask yourself or the group, What is the purpose of this meeting? What is the purpose of this meeting<\/em> this<\/em> <\/em><\/strong>week? <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Parker recalls one leader who adopted a cardinal rule from The Art of Gathering<\/em>: Don\u2019t start a meeting by launching into the agenda. To open staff meetings, the leader instructed her team to spend 10 minutes sharing their \u201crose\u201d and \u201cthorn\u201d (respectively, the best part and the most difficult part) of the week\u2014work-related or not. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAll of a sudden, even though they all knew each other, they were connected to each other\u2019s lives in a different way,\u201d Parker says. Plus, \u201cincluding the \u2018thorn\u2019 implied to this woman\u2019s team that it\u2019s OK to talk about thorns\u2014which she didn\u2019t realize she hadn\u2019t been doing.\u201d By creating moments in which the group dynamic could change, rather than explicitly asking for a change, this leader was able to transform a mundane routine into something meaningful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Read more of Priya Parker\u2019s tips for having productive, purposeful meetings<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n