{"id":33132,"date":"2019-04-03T10:04:56","date_gmt":"2019-04-03T14:04:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.wework.com\/creator\/creator\/?p=33132"},"modified":"2020-02-26T14:33:07","modified_gmt":"2020-02-26T19:33:07","slug":"how-to-manage-office-relationships-on-slack-on-tinder-and-out-of-office","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.wework.com\/ideas\/professional-development\/creativity-culture\/how-to-manage-office-relationships-on-slack-on-tinder-and-out-of-office","title":{"rendered":"How to manage office relationships\u2014on Slack, on Tinder, and out of office"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

As the space between work and not-work becomes ever more blurred, questions about how to do this thing we plug away at for 30 or 40 or 70 hours a week become all the more expansive. In this column, Work Flow<\/a><\/strong>, we\u2019ll delve into the novel dilemmas created by the new ways we work, as well as timeless questions about ethics, gender assumptions, and toxic work situations (and how to escape them). How we work is an important component of how we live\u2014and we\u2019re here to help you do better at both.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Something messing with your flow? Unload your work problems here, and you\u2019ll not only feel heard, but you\u2019ll also get unbiased, real-world advice. (That\u2019s something your work sibling\/spouse just can\u2019t offer.) Tell us everything:\u00a0ideasbywe@wework.com<\/a><\/span><\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I Tinder swiped right on someone I recognize from the office. They apparently did the same: We matched. What next? Can I mention it when we\u2019re both in the kitchen at the same time, or do I have to wait to make the next move in-app? <\/b><\/p>\n\n\n\n

These are the trials of our digital times! I will tell you, I once swiped right on my favorite SoulCycle instructor, and suddenly, there we were\u2014a match. Which really meant nothing except that I stopped going to SoulCycle. Was I really going to go on a date with a guy who instructed us to shout \u201cLove!\u201d over and over as we peddled through the dark? What would we even<\/span> talk about<\/em><\/span><\/i>?<\/em> It was all too awkward, the idea that I might have to do something about this match. So I did nothing.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I didn\u2019t really want to go out with my SoulCycle instructor, but there\u2019s that weird thing that happens on Tinder when you see someone you know or sort of recognize: You swipe right as a wink, <\/span>Hey, I see you<\/em><\/span><\/i>\u2014and maybe you hope they\u2019ll do it back, but does that mean you actually want to date them? Unclear. The truth is, sometimes the barriers by which we compartmentalize our various daily activities should not be crossed. So, ask yourself: Do you <\/span>actually<\/em><\/span><\/i> want to go out with your officemate? Presuming you both work for the same company, ask yourself, also, whether there are any workplace policies against it. If so, ask yourself if you prefer your job to this potential date. Ask yourself what would happen if things go awry\u2026 because you can\u2019t just stop going to work the way you can stop going to SoulCycle. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you\u2019ve determined this is very well your best (or even just a decent) chance at love in these desperate times, I would make the next move in-app. Keeping the conversation where it began allows you to figure out a few things before you head into the open air together. Do you feel yourself connecting with this person? Are you having fun talking? Or is the bloom off the rose before the third message even arrives? This is important research that will inform your next move. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

But! If you do find yourself running into your match at any point in time, I don\u2019t suggest ignoring them completely as I did with my SoulCycle instructor. You might as well look them in the eye, give them a smile, and say hi. Maybe even ask a question: \u201cYou work in sales, right?\u201d \u201cOoh, you love Lunchables, too?\u201d Or something much smoother\u2014it\u2019s your flirtation! Put out into the world what you\u2019d like to get in return\u2026 and then see what comes back. The wheels of a bike go \u2018round and \u2018round.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

When you see a co-worker in a public place, are you obligated to talk to them? What if it\u2019s during your commute? What if it\u2019s in the waiting room of your therapist\u2019s office? <\/b><\/p>\n\n\n\n

You are never obligated to talk to anyone in any place, public or private. We are all busy adults going about our lives in the working and nonworking world, and it\u2019s simply not reasonable to expect any person we recognize (not a good friend\u2014the rules are different then) to drop everything and just <\/span>communicate<\/em><\/span><\/i> <\/em>when we see them. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is where it would be helpful to have signs on our foreheads that flash green for \u201copen to conversation,\u201d yellow for \u201cmaybe,\u201d and red for \u201cdo not disturb.\u201d But we do not, so read their body language instead. If the person you recognize is reading a book, or staring at their phone, or deep in meditation or thought or sleep, just let them be. If they\u2019re hunched in a corner, trying not to engage with anyone, read that. You work with them, you can always talk to them later. If the person you recognize is looking around the train car, their eyes light upon you, and they smile, you should respond\u2014but it\u2019s totally OK to simply smile back, or give a wave and a nod, and then return to your book or phone or commute-nap. (If they\u2019re weeping profusely, it never hurts to say, \u201cHey, are you OK?\u201d and pass them a tissue.) The key here is, indeed, \u201crecognize.\u201d Be human, politely acknowledge the existence of someone else on this planet\u2014of everyone else on this planet, really\u2014and then go on with your day.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

As for the waiting room of your therapist\u2019s office, there\u2019s nothing wrong with a polite nod if you happen to make eye contact\u2014therapy should not be considered anything shameful; in fact, you should be commended for going\u2014but let them be, just as you\u2019d hope they\u2019d let you be. (Bring all this up to your therapist, though\u2014it will surely stimulate some interesting conversation about boundaries.) <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

In a time of Slack and omnipresent email and 24-7 expected responses, what is the most not-annoying way to remind someone that you\u2019re still waiting for them to get back to you on something?<\/b><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The expectation that everyone will respond to a digital request within five minutes is a kind of tyranny, but the plus is, if you have to wait for someone to respond to you, well then, maybe they have to wait for you, too. Truth be told, we could all slow it down a bit and be just fine<\/em>, if not better, than we are.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This problem is exacerbated by the fact that you just can\u2019t know what\u2019s on the other side of the email\u2014in this other person\u2019s computer and their mind. You can only control what\u2019s on your side. This person may be blowing you off; they may be legitimately busy; they may have forgotten;, they might not have gotten your request at all, or they may not know what to do with it. They might have gotten laid off\u2014who knows?\u2014or <\/span>they\u2019re simply in their own weird spiral<\/span><\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It doesn\u2019t matter, really: What you can and should do is politely follow up. Do it nicely, don\u2019t be too demanding, don\u2019t send too many emails, or write back too quickly. \u201cHi, just checking in on this! Let me know what I can do to help move things forward\u201d is a fine message to send, but never more than once in the same 24-hour period. <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

There is <\/span>research indicating that if you don\u2019t get a response in 48 hours<\/span><\/a>, you might never get a response at all. Live with that fact, but also: Follow up at least once or twice\u2014more, depending on what\u2019s at stake (make sure to vary your note upon repeat sendings). And you may want to move to a phone call if those stakes are high and you don\u2019t get an answer digitally.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sometimes, unfortunately, you just have to wait. In the interim, check the non-responder\u2019s social-media accounts to make sure they\u2019re alive. This may not make you feel better, but it\u2019s something to do.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

On navigating working relationships and friendships\u2014or maybe more\u2014with co-workers<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1766,"featured_media":33135,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[43902,43908],"tags":[525,10213],"class_list":["post-33132","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-professional-development","category-creativity-culture","tag-personal-growth","tag-work-flow"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nHow to manage office relationships\u2014on Slack, on Tinder, and out of office<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Our advice columnist delves into the novel dilemmas created by the new ways we work.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" 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